HOW TO SAY "I'M SORRY" - THREE BOOKS TO HELP TEACH RECONCILIATION

 

 

         

 Rita & Ralph's Rotten Day by Carmen Agra Deedy for toddlers/preschoolers

A Mystery in the Forest by Susanna Isern for Kindergarten, 1st, 2nd

The Iggy Series by Annie Barrows for 2nd - 5th

Everyone has had their feelings hurt by a friend. Or maybe even had something broken or destroyed by a friend -- or been physically hurt. And, chances are, each of us has done our own share of hurting. Did you receive an apology for the hurt? Or did you say, "I'm sorry." when you were the one doing the hurting? We may not even always know the best way to say, "I'm sorry." But I think the knowledge that hurting a friend or being hurt by a friend happens to all of us is a topic that should be introduced to kids early and often. And, just as importantly, how to reconcile that hurt - not only how to say you are sorry but also how to receive an apology.  It seems like a good time to teach and/or reinforce those concepts.

I have read three books in the past few days that deal with doing something intentional that results in a friend being hurt plus the anger and sorrow that follow. I did not intend to do that (no pun intended) - it just so happened that I read three books that ended up dealing with that topic.  How timely! 

Two were picture books While they are all different in their own way, they do come to the same conclusion. You do something that is not well thought out and a friend ends up being hurt. In Rita & Ralph's Rotten Day by Carmen Agra Deedy, Rita and Ralph are best friends and play together every day. Until the day they decide to play sticks and rocks. Ralph throws the rock and hurts Rita. (Bearing in mind it could just as easily have been Rita poking Ralph with the stick...). Ralph is sorry; Rita is angry. Ralph tries to apologize but Rita doesn't believe him -- and so now Ralph is angry and Rita is sorry. Eventually, the realization that it was not an intentional hurt and apologies were real plus they miss each other leads to reconciliation. This picture book is based on the traditional rhyme about two friends - Mr. Wiggle and Mr. Waggle. If that doesn't sound familiar - they go up the hill and down the hill and up the hill and down the hill to visit each other every day. This is a great read-aloud for preschoolers since they can join in on the "up the hill, down the hill" parts. Plus they can make the motions that go along with it. (The rhyme and the motions are included at the end of the book). And they can learn the importance of saying you are sorry plus accepting an apology at the same time.

The next book is A Mystery in the Forest by Susanna Isern; illustrated by Daniel Montero Galan, and translated by Jon Brokenbrow. This is the second book in the Whispers of the Forest series (#1 is The Lonely Mailman - all about kindness.) Deer has a secret place in the forest where he gathers delicious food which he then cooks into wonderfully yummy dishes for his friends. But one day - he finds damage to his secret garden. And his kitchen has been ransacked. And his cookbook has been stolen! Who would do such a thing? And why? (The important part here is WHY.) Deer solves the mystery and he is angry. But the perpetrator explains WHY. And Deer's heart is moved. There are consequences - but they are wonderful consequences for everyone. Was Deer intentionally wronged? Yes. But he took the time to listen to the Why and chose to forgive the offender. And even go beyond forgiveness and show grace. A lovely story. Isern is a Spanish author so these books are also available in Spanish.

 

And now we come to Iggy and an illustrated chapter book series by Annie Barrows. The Best of Iggy is the first book - and the only one I have read so far. I read it because it is a Bluebonnet nominee for 20/21. And it has really made me think. At first, I didn't like it. Nope. This book is definitely not for me. But then - the more I thought about it and the more I thought about all of the troublemaker Iggys out there in the world that no one ever really listens to... I had different thoughts. Iggy is a 4th grader that has a habit of getting into trouble. This book contains three of his escapades that all differ a bit in their intent and outcome. Barrows does a good job outlining and explaining the unintended consequences of Iggy's adventures. The stories are based on her husband's childhood so she has some first hand experience to work with. The first scenario could easily have been completely avoided if Iggy's parents had just been willing to listen to him and forgive. I personally lay the blame for story #1 completely on his parents. If Iggy had not been exiled to the back yard for a very forgivable table side offense, none of it would have happened. But exiled he was and so, being bored, he got into trouble and was then tempted/bullied into get into more trouble by a visitor. Iggy could have chosen differently, absolutely. But it didn't have to happen. Incident #2 is similar - Iggy was bored. And he got himself into trouble. He KNOWS that what he is doing is stupid and that it carries with it the potential of getting into trouble but - he does it anyway. The last example is where Iggy truly offends by doing something that he does not think all the way through and he ends up physically and emotionally harming someone he really cares about. And he is TRULY SORRY that this happened.  That does not mean that similar things will not happen in the future. But it is amazing what happens when Iggy is given the chance to explain and then is forgiven for what he did - with the caveat that he should never do it again. 

A lot of kids will find the book funny. A lot of kids will be able to relate to Iggy - the ones who just do things without thinking them through and then get into trouble. Please be like Iggy's teacher and LISTEN to those kids when they try to explain their actions. It doesn't mean there aren't consequences for what they do - it just means that you are trying to understand the WHY behind their actions. There are kids that cause trouble for the sake of causing trouble. There are mean kids that bully other kids because they enjoy doing that. (There are adults that do that also.) But there are a lot of Iggys out there that get into trouble because they are bored or misunderstood or simply don't know how to think things through before acting. This book helped me see that I should work harder to understand those kids and not jump to conclusions. So - yes. Read this one. And let me know what you think.